August 15th., 5:56 pm

Finished the Diaries

Let me tell you that, though I knew pretty well how it ended, I started crying so much I had to put the book away for a couple of minutes just to get myself together again.
It hurted so much when I read about Nikki dying... It was pretty much as if I was told that someone from my own family had passed away. FUCK! Can you love someone you don't even know? Or is it just that you worship them so much that you find yourself "adoring" a person as if they were gods or something?
I don't know. I've got a crash on Nikki Sixx since I was probably 15 o 16 years old, but it was o.k. back then. But now? I'm almost 32, come on! This is bullshit, I can't be in love with my teen age idol, it's not sane...

***Today I had this drugs chat with Lucas. He asked so much about the subject and though I didn't try any drugs but pot, I do know a lot of stuff about them and I felt really happy that he was so self-motivated on learning about the subject. I hope it'll help him to make the right decision when I'd not be there for him to choose.


You know? It's a great day indeed! It's a bank holiday in Madrid, so I've got the whole day off.. It's not hot at all and that keeps my head pretty clear to think and to do stuff with my kid.


And the best part is that I haven't take a single pill, nor to sleep yesterday night or to be chill today. THAT'S GREAT NEWS!! Let's see what happens tomorrow, when I'll get to my shitty jobs again... FUCK! I hate my life the way it is now! A friend said to me the other day: "Don't focus on the things you don't have. Just do it on the ones you do have". I'm really trying to listen to other's people advise, cause I feel so lost nowadays... Gotta focus!!! It is all inside my head...




RANDOM THOUGHTS I'VE POSTED TO FACEBOOK
† More talent, less ego† "Fake" is totally not my scene
† Always dreaming of something new
† The whole world is a huge BLAH, BLAH, BLAHHHHHH
† "Keep calm and kill people in your mind"

August 14th., 2.37 pm

Who the fuck cares?

I'm at the office right now and I'm supposed to do some kind of thrashy work that I'm not up to at this very moment. I've got plenty of time, since I need to be at 5 at the store, so a quick rush at the end and consider it done! 

I'm doing some Facebook instead.

I'm so fucking bored of Facebook: it's all the same fucking shit everyday but yet I feel pretty stuck to it cause I use it like some kind of "blog thing" where I collect all the cool stuff I find on the net and I got it all in one place so it's pretty handy for me. But it sucks anyway.

I hate it pretty much when people start talking about themselves, posting ego photos.. it's like "All about ME".

Fuck it! Who the fuck cares what you do or who you are? Or is it that you need some kind of crew of fans to tell you how good you're doing or how pretty you are o how hip you look? --FUCK IT--

Who the fuck cares anyway?

Just be yourself, man... Whatever that is!

Did I already told you that I hated people?

F U C K T H E M A L L


Agosto 14, 4:26 pm

A veces creo que estoy tan jodida, tan cabreada, que no soy capaz de cambiar el chip y aplicarme el cuento de "todo me chupa un huevo".
Creo que odio literalmente a todos los putos seres humanos de esta apestosa (literal!) ciudad.
La gente está jodida y como está jodida, se la toma contigo. ¡Cómo si a mí me importara! Yo paso de toda la puta peña e interactuo solo con la gente cuando es extríctamente necesario o me conviene a mí, porque aborrezco a todos y cada uno de esos insignificantes pedazos de mierda.

La única persona que realmente me importa es mi hijo Lucas. No sé qué demonios sería de mi sin él...

August 14th., 10.41 am

The heroin diaries

I've almost finished Nikki's book. It  took me less than a week to actually devoured it, it's so accurate and I kinda feel so related to the way that he felt back then that sometimes I feel as he's own sickness is also mine, in a way. Am I beeing too empathetic? Maybe.

These days had been totally up & down, I don't know where I belong anymore or what I'm supposed to to, and the only one I think of is Lucas. I don't even care about the rest. Fuck them anyway.

Gotta run to work (?)

I'll come back later and explain myself a lil' bit more.

I've writing lately, maybe I'll show ya

I fucking hate people. I'd kill them all if I had the chance...

August 10 th., 2012 10.20 pm

Got it?

August 10 th., 2012 10:04 pm

Currently reading: The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx

Now that I get to know the whole story from the "inside view" of your own pen, all of a sudden it all appears clear to me and I finally get to understand where did it all come from... 

Thanks for sharing your hell, 'cause maybe your darkness turns into other's light.

I haven't met you and I'll probably never will, but yet I love you Nikki Sixx 

August 10 th., 2012 10:02 pm

Motherhood

Mothering is a great deal when you come to thinking that if your son wouldn't have been born you'd probably be a tramp or "wasted" would be your middle name.

Thank God I've had the guts to become a teenage mom back then.

I worship you, Broken P.

Forever.

Music concert

Play as loud as you can.

Enjoy.

Careless 

(But I have feelings 2)

I feel I no longer belong

to your life nor to your dreams

'Cause I'm aware you'll never forgive me.

Your pride is my worst nightmare.

Your fears break my truth in pieces

You'll always hate me and will never forgive me.

Without your love

I surrender to fate

Can't you see?

I get lost in the way

Without your love.

Babe I will miss your touch

If you give me all that matters

I'd let you down

I'd turn my back on you.

I'd put a sign on your skin

and then let you go.

I was convicted because of my greed

I bet on you. 

You already were mine.

And I lost.

No whispering.

Just say: goodbye.

(Z.M. Originally written on 1996. Edited on 2012)

Ciega

Miradas perdidas

luego de aquél adiós

silencios íntimos

no intentes calmar el dolor

Sentimientos encontrados,

sentimientos de ambigüedad.

amor infinito

sin tiempo

sin edad

Lágrimas derramadas

más y más llanto

sécame la cara con tus manos

El momento ha llegado

No me dejes ir.

No te dejaré volver.

...

Mis ojos ya están cerrados

hartos ya de llorar tu partida

ya no sienten ni padecen

sólo buscan volver a ver

Yo quiero sentir que existe algo más que tú

que no se acabó todo aquí, que puedo volver a ser

deja ya de enjugarme las lágrimas

para que por mi misma vuelva a ver

(Z. Originalmente escrito en 2001. Editado en 2012)

Ángel

Oda al amor perdido

Ángel, 

vigilas mi sueño

te encuentro en esas noches

frío y lluvia que no apagan el ardor

Es un fuego quemando dentro

intenso

inmenso

que se consume sin ningún control

Criatura,

tus palabras me seducen

leo tus labios al hablarme

puedo oler tu amor

desearía poder besarte.

Orgasmos.

Estado mental.

Ángel. 

tu piel, tu olor

lo siento allí donde voy

y a pesar de que no estás

yo te encuentro

¿Evito pensarte?

¿Evito recordarte?

¿Te evito?

A tí.

No te caigas

Quiero que me hagas el amor.

(Z. Originalmente escrito en 2001. Editado en 2012)